Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
