It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
