we have officially lost it.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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