So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
