I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
