take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
