so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
