At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
