No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
