Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
