I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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