I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just pee around me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
