Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
