omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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