mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
