i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
