Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
