She is in my trunk
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
