so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
