Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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