he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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