Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
just found out that she named her cat after me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
