I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize