fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
