She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Green mimosas i think yes
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
