I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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