Me too!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
