the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
