I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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