So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
