Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
