You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
