capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
