I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
