The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
