Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
