I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
