All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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