I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
