So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
