It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
