But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
