just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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