You really coming over, don't trick.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
