If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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