His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
