i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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