Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
