I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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