the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
