Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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