3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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