Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
