dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i think my cat just said my name.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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