What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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