he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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