do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
