you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We have started to decorate penises.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
