Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
