You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
