NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
