thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Alive.
So much puke
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
