What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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