Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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