my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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