i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
