O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
In other news, I just burned my penis
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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