i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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