just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
