FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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